life with a baby

         Indies already a month old.  It honestly has flown by. It's ridiculous how sad I am that she's getting bigger. Especially since she really doesn't look a whole lot different. Although she's grown an inch and gained 2 plus lbs. Woot woot!
        It's a weird feeling, wanting her to stay little and day dreaming of fast forwarding to milestones and different ages. First laugh, walking, hiking, birthdays, dance recitals, pajama parties, hearing her little voice, seeing her personality, her talents, playing catch, wrestling... The list goes on and on. I wish I could just hip hop all over the great times to come and still savor her little tiny baby stage.

        I've been a spoiled mama with this little girl so far.  She's happy, she sleeps through the night like a champ, smiles; coo's, rarely spits up, enjoys being pretty much wherever we take her.  Obviously a lot could change, but so far she has been an absolute joy.  She is laid back and snuggly and loves to look at and study the world.  I didn't feel connected to her right when she was born, it felt more like we were strangers meeting.  It felt like there was a disconnect from the baby I carried inside me and the one that came out. I think the idea was just too abstract for my first time around.

Maybe my next pregnancy things will feel more real. But it didn't take long for me to fall in love with my little stink. It has been a big adjustment though. I love being busy, getting things done. Now, with Indie, I'm lucky if I shower and get the house cleaned. It's been hard, feeling like I just sit around all day. I love my baby and adore

holding her, but was having a hard time.  Some days I felt like a failure if I wasn't able to get dinner ready for Damon when he got home from work. Or if I didn't get to the laundry or dishes. Its easy to measure those things, checklist, done, feel like you accomplished something. Spending my day with Indie is a lot more abstract then a simple check and done. My whole day in a sense is dictated by Indie. When she wants to eat, her naps, her blow outs, her laughs, her cries...I know I am working side by side with heavenly father, loving and raising this sweet little spirit of his. But it's easy to forget that sometimes the greatest things you'll do don't have a cut and dried start and finish.  Can't measure out how much I loved Indie each day. There no easy way to prove how holding and talking and comforting my little girl is teaching her about this big strange new world.  She's growing and learning about herself, about what it means to be a family, how to use her body and mind, and what it means to be a person in this world and what her own potential is, shes learning everyday.  But you can't see the change, the progress. It's easy to feel like I'm just wasting my day, because it looks like all I've done is sit around holding and appropriately responding to Indies cues and needs.  It's crazy how tedious such a great calling can feel!

       It's been rough, how much I miss all my alone time with Damon. We are so used to babying each other in our relationship (some of us were maybe babied more than others, so some of us might be having a harder time with the change... What can I say I was spoiled!) Now having our focus on our actual baby has been an adjustment. 
            I love my family so much!  All the changes all the crazy hard surprises that came with getting Indie here and taking care of her were and are beyond worth it. I feel so lucky to be the mom of such a precious little girl and she is so stinking lucky to have Damon as a Dad, as am I to have him as a husband.  
        Damon is so great with her. He changes her clothes and diapers, bathes her, burps her, feeds her, holds her, helps her fall asleep.  I know a lot of dads are nervous or not super interested in baby's this little.  And granted I think it is a little bit of a bummer that Indie still isn't super responsive to Damon.  He's really excited to start getting reactions out of her from his funny faces and little games, but right now she's still a little too little.  I Love watching them together.  Love hearing him speak so softly to her and seeing how good he is with her.

       All in all, one month in, we are loving it and learning to adjust and love all the changes!

Oh, ps. having a baby girl I thought I would be spared from pee spraying incidents (my co worker was telling me how her son peed right in her mouth one diaper change)  Well, not to be out done Indie found a way. I was changing her diaper and right as I cleared it away she started peeing and farted at the same time. The gas flung her pee (with impressive range I might add) right into my face. I yelped and scared the poor thing. Moved her to the bed so I could clean up her changing station and my face. She then felt comfortable enough to finish peeing all over our bedding (which I had just washed the day before) Damon and I couldn't help but laugh. Gotta love our stinker!