April 12, 2026

Stella Wolf & turning Ten

Ten but not Stella.

Not Stel, Estelle, or Stella Bella.

NEVER Stella Bella Chicken Della.

Ten, and she'd rather be WOLF.

We tried it on, all of us, speaking it over her. A hastily tucked afterthought.

Stella is ten, but "Stella-Wolf" is the new name. A compromise born of her wish and our ability to meet it. (...if that isn't life...)

Stella (Wolf) is ten and grateful. Every day. She doesn't fight to be louder than the chaos. The family is often chaos. So she will simmer in the unfolding of our pack and be. Quietly.

Her 'loud' flows freely one on one. It is here she expresses everything. Connection through intimate conversation is her hearts language. There are times, and often, Stella (Wolf) struggles to have the confidence to speak her heart. She can be found tripping over her thoughts and shutting down the sharing of what's going on inside.

She tells herself no one cares.

What she has isn't important.

Gently. You must hold her so gently. With soothing reassurance she will find her footing again to speak what she had hidden. Stella (Wolf) needs time and a sincere unrushed presence to let you see her.

She is beautiful to see.

Did you know she will listen, actually listen, to what it is you say, and ponder on it? Did you know she will ask you questions that require you to ponder and excavate your own heart? Did you know how tender she is?

Have you see how she will fight over the noise of others, but only to say thank you.

"thank you for this food" (and if she didn't like it...) "thank you for all the hard work you put into this"

thank you for:

"...helping me"

"...talking to me"

"...that experience"

"...all you do..."

These are gifts.

Other times she flings her gratitude out, as an attempt to disrupt the tension. Soothe herself by soothing others. A life raft hurled into troubled water. She can sense the root of your discomfort and will try to remedy it.

Stella (Wolf) is a sponge. Your distress easily becomes her distress. When she is filled up, she knows exactly how to meet others, and can give her care deeply. A gift that serves everyone. When she is empty she becomes unraveled, unable to tolerate external discomfort.

There are days we all need a bit of our own earth. A place to unfold, process and be still. Stella's need runs deeper. She NEEDS her aloneness, and everyday. At her windowsill, she will mold her clay figures and orchestrate imaginative games with her creations.

She needs sleep longer and deeper.

Stella's exclaims "yay" when happy but in the most apathetic tone. This seemingly disinterested display reflects a sincere celebration that is unfolding inside of her. She is aware that her outside does not often match her inside to others liking.

I often feel I am parenting my own self when I orbit Stella.

Stella (Wolf) is our easiest going child. She is the most amenable to tucking clothing and wayward hairs when told to, and changing with grace when things don't quite work.

She creates with an air of ubiquity that always understates the grandeur of her creation. She is disinterested in any activity outside of the home unless it involves water, wilderness, animals, or a friend.

Stella (Wolf) is very concerned with being good. She will go out of her way to do more than what is asked and be sure to report back about her ventures. I think this comes from many places, one of them being a desire to feel seen in a season where other siblings are taking up. So. Much. Space. She has expressed feeling a bit forgotten this year. We talk about it often and carve out time where we can.

The Wolf is incredibly overwhelmed by cleaning up and most likely to ask for help without trying. This makes sense as Wolfs are not naturally inclined to housework and would much rather be rollicking in their wilderness.

The Wolf is wild after all. Where she needs coaxing to be seen inside, but has no reserve outside. She is intuitive and wild in body. Indulgent. She will thrash through the air, throw herself onto nature and play. She is often scolded to be more aware of her brut strength. More gently Stella, we tell her as she slams her body playfully against the world, unaware of her power.

She loves to recoil playfully saying "how dare you!"

She will wander naked, change anywhere, and go to the bathroom with the door open. She trails her clothes and creation behind her always. The Wolf is Wild and easy to track. She has not yet learned to tolerate physical endurance that she did not choose. She will expending huge amounts of energy to let you know how much she hates it. Red in the face and slowly moving she weaves whole ropes of complaints so thick along the hiking trails we've traveled that some say you can still grab on to it to this day. (Though it is important to note that hiking is also a beloved activity for the Wolf when a fun rock formation or creek can be explored)

There is an unspoken, but binding, rule somewhere in the cosmos that once a month there must be a meltdown for the wearing of shoes and socks. What has always fit will no longer fit, for one morning. This will require an hour of howling. (Though 10 mins of full blown despair and 3 hours of wallowing is also acceptable.)

Stella (Wolf) loves a good documentary, learning of natural disasters and human perseverance, she loves to unwind by watching "I shouldn't be alive", or reading "I survived". She devoured the series of unfortunate events this year on her kindle, and many other e-books while waiting in her bed for sleep to come.