Thirteen-ager

August 31, 2026

Thirteen-ager

Disclaimer*Indie found the blog and read over all her yearly updates. So this year mingled amid the general birthday bliss was a new excitement to read her 13th year update. I've never written a yearly update as anticipated as this.

Indie the teenager.

Thirteen-ager.

Hopefully this update pleases the teen who can most often be found in her natural habitat; reading. And if not reading, than tucked away writing. And if not writing than tucked even further away listening to music. In order to lure the thirteen-ager from any of these be prepared to employ an abundance of "INNNNDIIIIEEE"s into the air. If that fails do not despair, instead simply add acrobatics.

*disclaimer *You may find the greatest task is to be not get angry when the thirteen-ager finally emerges completely unaware of the extensive effort it took to engage her.

It just so happens to also be true that the Indie-nager has a default setting of seeking solitude. The exception to this is when it is her idea. Then she offers quite meaningful and tender moments with those around her.

She cares deeply for her siblings, and parents. She tells everyone how loved they are often and offers hugs and affection unbidden. The Indie will build Legos for Finn and wrestle him. Do spin hugs with Myra, and chat and go on walks with Stella.

Inexplicably right before bed, the default setting swaps to a MUST CONNECT setting and the Indie pounces with a wealth of energy on her family. The Indie will want to chat and listen and be together regardless of activity. When the Indie wants to connect but isn't quite sure how to get the conversation going she'll say "sooooo, do you have any more questions?" Or just meander behind you silently, waiting.

The Indie is obsessed with cats, finds the feeling of cardboard against her skin quite distressing, and will become boisterously joyful when in a peak mood.

If you want to befriend the Indie simply chat her up with any conversation involving the writings of Brandon Sanderson. This girl loves a conversation about world building, fantasy, and fiction plotline.

If she seems skittish try instead to scatter some Dr. Pepper, Panda, or watermelon in a concentrated area, then wait for the Indie to approach you. Then and only then may you venture a question. Some solid starts would be:

What song are you liking right now? (toss her some corn to sweeten the deal)

Which musical artist do you like right now? (slide over some fresh new pens and sticky notes)

What book are you reading? (provide her some shiny new binders she can organize)

If all else fails, without any sudden movement, offer her your phone so she can text her friends and back away. Tell her she can stay up as late as she wants and never has to share the back seat of the family car with anyone and she's bound to be your best friend.

Disclaimer *Do not show the Indie any movies that involve alien take over in an attempt to befriend. She will run. She will hide, and coaxing her back out will be difficult.

There is a gap between the Indie's night owl-ness and my morning person-ness. When I am excited to connect, Indie is a zombie. When Indie is excited to connect, I am a zombie. We are learning how to take great care with each others zombi-ness.

This has been the year of a lot of late night heart to hearts. There have been a lot of soul searches as the Indie navigates friends and influences. She's been working on recognizing when she is distressed and figuring out what it is exactly that has bothered her and how to proceed.

The Indie has just started 8th grade. Middle school in general has proven to be quite the challenging place for the Indie. We looked into several different alternative schools to see if that would rectify the distress. Turns out pretty much everywhere middle school is just rough and ultimately Indie decided to finish out where she began.

The Indie started to pine after nature this year. She held a dream of a perfect morning sunrise with dew blanketing the grass and morning solitude. She longed to be up at the family cabin, (but only with weeks notice of any trips. spontaneous trips in any measure mess with her binder organizing plans. I am not kidding.) She has taken to walking, and asking to go on hikes. (which have had to be temporarily denied due to Finn's health restrictions)

We stumbled upon Indie's favorite hike over spring break. The slot canyons offered a stillness and adventure she craved. During the hike Indie tucked herself away from the family onto a rock shelve and silently meditated. The three younger children quickly joined her example.

Indie has had to be really patient in hiking in our family as 4/6 of us are prone to side quests and meltdowns. The Indie would rather just start the hike, move through the hike, then be done with the hike. My sincerest apologies to the Indie for wanting to hug a tree and sob every once and a while.

A lot of our family activities call for patience that the Indie is still attempting to develop. Indie seems to be outgrowing the ways she used to relate within the family unit during adventures and I can see the tension she has to hold. Out on adventure is often less than her ideal place for an Indie to be (the ideal place is in her comfort zone, at home in her habitat, dipping in and out of connection at her leisure, not yours)

There can be a lot of feelings and moodiness that bubble up and bite us all as the Thirteen-ager navigates the tension of growing up. There are also a lot of tender and powerful moments where Indie steps into her leadership and fun loving side, gathering in the family to her good mood.

That mood, it be a pendulum and the ripples tug at us all. Indie, to her credit, holds herself accountable and is getting really good at owning her feelings and the effects they have on others. I'm quite proud of her consistent effort to talk things through and repair, when she's ready.

Disclaimer* plans changing, expectations changing, or making her order her own food at restaurants are sure fire ways to tease out some grumps from the Indie.

Over the years Indie has asked and asked and asked for her own room. We however, anticipate being in this home for quite some time, and all the rooms are full as they are. We ultimately decided that we needed to reinvent a bit of the place to accommodate what the next 5-10 years might bring. So, we sacrificed our office to The Teenager Gods and surprised Indie with her own room on her birthday.

She screamed and sobbed and was elated for days. (Stella and Finn also sobbed, but for different reasons)

Having an adult-ish show playing will attract the Indie. She will enter the room as quietly as possible in the hope that her presence will go unnoticed.

Indie ran track for the first time. We watched her grow and shine with joy at her own ability to show up for something so challenging. It was so beautiful to see. We also saw the ways the added load of activity stretched and melted her down in some moments. The Indie is growing so beautifully in learning how to hold all these things.

The Indie is grieving. She took voice lessons and her beloved teacher quit, and that has begun a season of permeant mourning. Mrs. Emma's name must be said in hushed tones and with grave somberness.

Indie also participated in Cantus' 2025-2026 season and did Kayaking camp with Stella over the summer. Yes, yes, while the Indie admittedly has many accomplishments, we would be remiss to leave our her current crowning achievement.

No, it's not "dry tongue", as I think you assumed it may be. You see, that habit of stickling her tongue out in every photo and video, while still appearing at times, seems to be fading into the past (I am fearful to even mention this as I'm sure it will revitalize her natural instincts) but no, the crowning achievement of the Indie is her "i kill you" stare.

There is a space where she teeters between finding you quite funny and choosing to be offended. This is where the "I kill you" stare thrives, and it graces us daily. Luckily for the herd 90% of the time the glare softens into laughter. For among the Indie's great abilities, joking around and being good humored is among the top.

"you can do it, but don't do it"

Oh the Indie, elusive yet loving, we are so glad to be in your herd.

Happy Thirteen ya ager!

PS

When asked what Indie didn't want to forget about this time she said with a laugh "fish chicken."

You see the Indie does have a strict diet, and while she has taken to eating and trying more foods, her preferences are quite predictable. One day as we sat to dinner I dished up what I call a performative plate.

It is a small plate with a serving no bigger than a penny of each new thing I cooked. These plates are almost always untouched. On this particular night I had made a salmon bowl, with a honey chili cottage cheese sauce and some salad and rice.

Indie went on about how she did not like salmon and wouldn't be eating it. Throughout the dinner Damon and invited the kids to try the salmon with over enthusiastic comments of how delicious we found it to be. Indie proudly declared that she did try the salmon and that it was not her thing, but that she LOVED the chicken. To which we said,

what do you mean,

and she said, what do you mean?

And we asked her to point to what she thought was the salmon. She pointed to the pureed cottage cheese sauce, and then showed us that she had scarfed down the alleged chicken. To which we busted up laughing and told her that it was salmon. Our whole family got a really big laugh from it. The moment has become a new lore that often gets called back.