Stella's 5 years old!
Right now Stella is a mix of all the things you’d think couldn’t be held together in one body. She is the odd combination of anxiety and no-inhibitions-wild-child. Mo
Then the next day it’s care free, jump on that bike and fall down hard 10 times with nothing but a giggle as she jumps back up and declares recklessly ‘I’m okay!’ Forgetting to look where she is going as she crashes into a curb and is flown once more, with a twinkle in her eye.
Stella indulges. She indulges in sensory everything. She loves to taste and touch and experience the world around her physically. She indulges her body. If she wants to jump she doesn’t just jump. She jumps hard and with everything in her, taking no thought of what it might feel like when she lands. She enjoys the flight. When she wrestles she wrestles with her whole body, with no thought to how a hearty belly flopping might feel as she lands. She indulges in the flight. And when she hits hard she brushes it off, minimizing the pain and takes to flight again.
Stella loves to indulge in the happy. She will show her elation with the silliest expressions as well as the most somber quiet. Taking in the moment and savoring what it had to offer. She indulges in the angry. A flash flood of emotion spewing and spitting in a hurricane of hurt and dysregulation. It usually passes quickly.
It’s a common occurrence to hear from Stella multiple times a day, at top lung shrieks, ‘FINE! I’m done with all of you! And I’m never playing with you ever again!’ As she storms off as loudly and angrily as her body can muster, only to turn around giggling the next minute inventing a new game to tackle with her playmate.
Stella complains of boredom very often and is not afraid to complain and lament the lameness of the activity at hand. She has a very hard time getting started in tasks but once engaged will go for hours. Her favorite toys are: anything sensory, her hatchimals, and any game Indie will play with her. She likes to play kitties and wrestling with Finn but is easily tipped into emotional overwhelm and fiery anger with the latter. Stella is most likely to quit a structured game (like board games or hide and go seek or tag) first and with fire. But she will play pretend endlessly.
Stella is always always always hurting herself and it most often tips her into a space of anxiety and despair. Certain she will never recover from even the smallest of finger pinches. She enters the throes of anxiety and when it’s got her in its grips, there is little we can do to soothe. We have to ride it out and try to help her find some coping tools for the inevitable next time a blade of grass rubs her the wrong way. And yet Stella always always always hurts herself in the throes of her wild child side and she brushes it off as if the huge body beating she just took was nothing.
Stella is very chatty, and very quiet. When she is in a good mood she loves (and feels loved by) sharing her heart and her thoughts. She becomes deeply hurt when she can’t be understood and will retreat within herself. This dynamic has been especially challenging as she needs speech therapy and at times our whole family can not quite make out what word she’s trying to say.
Stella also gets very quiet and introspective. She has asked me a few times in earnest what it means to be her. Admitting she knows she is human and she knows she is Stella. But what does it mean to be human? and what makes us do what we do? and what makes up who we are? and why? We have never been able to come up with a satisfactory answer to this burning question that plagues her.
Stella is very emotionally aware and compassionate. She can not handle having anyone feel anything negative due to her hand. She will pretzel herself into ruin and anxiety if it means helping appease the cries and frustration of her siblings. She shares all of her things with abandon, regardless of how new or precious. We are working on teaching her that two things can be true. You can say no and they can be upset and that’s not your fault.
She will swallow herself if she perceives you are unhappy with what might come out but she wears what she truly feels on her face with a scrunched nose, eye roll or pursed lips. she will explode into stubborn if you catch her in the right mood but always backs down to seeking your acceptance over what she wants.
It’s common to hear Stella ask if she can have a snack as the last bite of breakfast still sits on her plate. She feels a great injustice when ice cream is given and it’s not multiple times a day. She always wears her meal on her cheeks and her toothpaste on her dress, markers on her nose...
Stella loves compliments and will tack herself onto any positive praise that is being given out. She also loves to be found funny and will ham it up for a laugh. She also finds it deeply insulting to be found funny when she was not trying to be funny and will quickly deflate and lash out. She is quick to notice hair and dress, and accomplishment and cheer on the doer.
It is impossible to keep clothes on this child. She trembles and dies a thousand deaths getting out of the tub into dry clothes but will
run naked outside in 40 degree weather for as long as she pleases and not feel a thing.
Stella has a hard time recalling any alphabet symbol and hates going to preschool because they ‘work too much’ but is always happy and pleased with her experience when she comes home.
Stella is terrified to go anywhere alone. Cut her own bangs, prefers underwear but will tolerate dresses when forced, she loves her blanket and loosing her sensory loving body in water. She has a talent for finding bugs and nurturing them. Jumping spiders, lady bugs, rollie pollies, and caterpillars are her best friends. Wasps terrify her.
We adore this deep feeling, precious, creative, fun loving little girl. It's been so fun to watch her grow. Happy Birthday Stella girl! It's okay that 5 doesn't feel much different than 4. We aren't celebrating the change of one day tipping into a new year, but rather the beautiful soul that you are. The chance we get to have you in our family and all the beautiful things you'll do and have already done as you learn and grow.
Photo Dump:
I love the pictures you capture. What a bunch of fun packed in one tiny body.
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