Kidney Stone
Alright. Kidney Stones. Let's talk about it. So much has happened, and it took a lot longer to figure out the culprit than it should have. So, let's start back in the beginning. The first of October. I was almost 2 months postpartum and I started having weird pains that I had never felt before in my lower right abdomen. I wasn't too alarmed because, let's be honest, pregnancy and recovery is all just an abundance of weird pains. So, I chalked it up to that and kept about my business. Looking back, to be honest, I was actually kinda happy about the pain. Since having Indie I had zero sex drive, and even though I got the 'okay' from the doctor, I didn't have any interest in acting on that 'okay.' The strange small pains were enough to make me feel mollified in putting off sex longer. Good thing I have such a patient husband. Let me clarify that he would never push anything I wasn't comfortable with. But I felt better abstaining with the little pains as my reasons.
Some days the pains were worse than others, and on those days I would tell Damon that my 'Insides felt funny' but that was about it. Until one day I woke up and went to get Indie from her bassinet and I felt intense pain. I had a hard time walking. I got Indie through our morning routine and down for a nap before going to the floor in pain. Boo, the small pains that were my allies in 'anti-sex' were turning against me! The pain just kept escalating and I spent about an hour on the bathroom floor trying not to throw up and trying to get a hold of someone. Damon was at work and not responding and neither was my mom. As time went on I realized I couldn't just tough out this pain and was seriously worried. Let's be honest. My normal course of action when it comes to pain is to ignore it til it goes away. Backfired on me this time. I knew I had to go to the hospital.
My sister Lauren luckily works with Damon, and since he keeps his phone on silent during work, I was finally able to get Lauren to have Dame check his phone. He came right home. It was a thirty minute drive. So hard to wait. Poor Indie was just watching me, curled up in pain on the floor, from her swing. She seemed to know something was going on. Damon ran in and got us both to the car and to the hospital as soon as possible.
By the time we got to the hospital I was in such pain that I couldn't sit still. They got me admitted and brought back within a few minutes. (Damon said later that I did a great job with the dramatics and we cut in front of a lot of people waiting in the ER) While I was waiting for pain meds I threw up all over. Boo. And strangely that helped with the pain. So, by the time I did get IV pain control I really didn't feel like I super needed it. My Mom left work early so she could come get Indie. None of us were thrilled to have such a little baby in the ER with us. Then the Doc ordered a CT scan. They thought it was appendicitis. CT came back, saying nothing looked abnormal. They did note that my right kidney was irritated, so they assumed that I passed a stone and sent me home. I felt a little sick the next day. Like I had the flu. But the pain was still there. Just kind of underlying. Some days it would constantly throb and some days it would be a continuous pain. A handful of times I wouldn't feel it all day, that was more rare.
Over the next 2 months I just dealt with the pain with probably about 6 flare ups. I did have an IUD put in and when I went in for the OB to check that it was still in the right place, I was having another flare up. Which in a way was a good thing, because my game plan at this point had turned back into the tried and true 'ignore it til it goes away' routine. So, I reluctantly told the doc about everything and he gave me antibiotics to take in case the pain was from an infection that might have been introduced when the IUD was put in. I was supposed to take that for ten days and if I didn't notice any improvement, to call and we'd go from there. Wellp, I did everything I was told and had no improvement. So the OB ordered a pelvic Ultrasound, said he wanted to make sure it wasn't anything to do with the cervix.
I had another flare up before I could get the Ultrasound done. It was the worse flare up yet. I felt so helpless. Luckily I still had narcotics left over from my ER visit. I was able to take some of those to stave off the pain while I took care of Indie and waited for Damon to be back from school. I felt so nauseous, I still felt the stabbing throbbing consuming pain in my lower right side and now with narcotics on bored I felt dizzy and a little loopy. The pain was honestly worse then pitocin induced contractions. Worse than birth pre epidural. Yuck! Damon got home and took over 'Indie duty' while I laid on the couch twitching and watching Titanic. Nothing to help curb a flare up like a cheesy romance surrounded by horrifying terror.
I remember how heartbreaking it was to not be able to help put Indie to bed that night. She woke up after Damon got her down the first time. She was still hungry and I tried to feed her, but I hurt so bad and felt so nauseous that I couldn't do it. I felt so scummy. Not being able to take care of her. Don't get me wrong Damon is a wonderful dad and she was in good hands. But it was just so hard to hand over my baby, knowing that she needed me, and that I physically couldn't help her. I had to lay down in the other room writhing in pain and listen to her crying while Damon tried to calm her down and get a bottle ready. I felt like such a bad mom. I felt like it was my fault she was having a hard time. No fun all around.
Damon got Indie settled in and finally sat with me. My mom came over too. Damon gave me a blessing and he and mom tried to convince me to let them take me to the hospital. I was throwing up and unable to sit still from all the pain. I said no. I knew that this flare up would end. Just like all the others did. I just had to out stubborn it. And I was very aware that this time around we no longer had my secondary insurance 'medicaid.' I didn't want to have to pay for an ER visit. Especially if all they did was pain control and tell me they couldn't find anything wrong. I threw up everything I ate, as well as some more pain medicine. After my last vomit my pain became more manageable. After a bit I was able to stomach a lortab and sleep.
I decided, with coaxing from Damon and my mom, that it was time to get this figured out. I decided not to pursue the ultrasound because I really felt like I had kidney problems. I got in for an appointment with the Urologist. They did some X-rays and told me that it didn't look like a kidney stone and that usually they pass withing 3-6 weeks. So, the fact that I was going on 3 months with this pain made a kidney stone unlikely. They scheduled something called an IVP at the hospital anyways. The IVP was kind of their last try at proving/disproving kidney stones. The IVP required a two day fasting and laxative prep. Fasting while breast feeding is not easy! Plus the hospital told me I would have to pump and dump for four days. Now, my supply was already struggling because of all the stress of the pain on my body. I knew four days of pumping and dumping would kill my supply. Not somewhere I wanted to go! Formula is freaking expensive.
So, after discussing everything with Damon and some family members, I decided to keep the IVP appointment but in the mean time hurry up and do the Ultrasound first. This way if it wasn't kidney stones, hopefully they could diagnose it through the ultrasound and I could just bag the whole IVP.
Well, the Ultrasound was a little disconcerting. Me and the tech were just great buddies, joking about things and making small talk while she was measuring things and what not. It was all great fun til she said we had to switch to a trans vaginal ultrasound. SAY WHAAAA. That friendship escalated quickly... She couldn't quite see everything she wanted to through abdominal ultrasound so I had to strip. Needless to say having her pressing down and poking around down there for about an hour was super painful. Kinda put a dampener on our fast made friendship. Although I will say, that had I not had to strip from waist down I might have gone through the whole day not knowing my underwear was put on inside out and backwards...no joke...silly me!
I understand Techs aren't allowed to disclose or diagnose what they are seeing (even if they know there is a problem) but man it sure is a frustrating rule. As I'm laying there, the tech's switched back and forth from pelvic to abdominal ultrasound. She kept changing which 'wand' size thing she was using and kept leaving to go 'double check' things with the other techs and radiologist. Finally she brings in a second tech and the two of them get to whispering about me...as if I can't hear them...from a foot away. Please ladies. Anyways, they get to talking about this snake like thing that they can't figure out where its attaching to or coming from, talk about how its filled with liquid goes all the way from my groin to my ribs and that they've never seen anything like it. I'm just laying there like.....'So, hey guys....umm whats going on?' They finally come back and tell me I need to get another CT scan. ps, just for the record. I HATE getting contrast. It makes my head feel like its filled with hot liquid that causes this crazy pressure in my head. and then makes me feel hot and dizzy and like i'm peeing my pants. Makes my heart race. Gives me a funny taste in my mouth.
Long story short (too late, I know) I did the Ct scan and finally the radiologist came out and told me. I had kidney stones. So, now I tell the urologist about all of this and he says he still wants me to do the IVP! boo. Why? Says it will help the doctor know what/where to go during surgery. Fine. I do the stupid IVP and the prep. Although, after some research I find that I do not have to pump and dump my life away. So that's good news.
I do the IVP, meet with the doctor afterwards. Don't worry that the Doc didn't even look at the IVP report. They didn't even have it in their office. He just says he wants to do Surgery to remove the annoying stone. Okay. So I just fasted and cleaned house, so to speak, for nothing. Not to mention the extra money we'll have to fork over for that IVP. Boo. Surgery gets scheduled for Tuesday (4 days ago). It's suppose to be a 30 min procedure, and more fasting. Awesome. I'm surprised my supply is still hanging on.
Surgery day comes. I do the prep. Lauren stays with Indie at our house while Damon comes with me to the Center. (He's my rock, I'll sing praises to him and all he's done for me through this in a second.)
The Surgery Center was very communal. well at least pre op, and recovery was. That was weird. I'm so used to privacy. Guess I'm just spoiled. They had curtains lined as walls all around this big cold white room. You could hear all the patients waiting to be released, waiting to have their procedures, just chatting away. The nurse gave me a bag to put all my personal belongings in. It's ridiculous, but I'm still sad that they made me take off my socks and put on their surgical approved ones. I had chosen thick woolen socks specifically for the surgery. Kinda like my comfort blanket. Damon promised me he would switch the socks back as soon as I got out of surgery. Had a few quick words with the Doc and the anesthesiologist and then they wheeled me away. I was nervous to leave Damon, my other security blanket for the moment. They took me back to a cold cold cold operating room. There was an Ipod playing some oldies and lots of nurses bustling around. The last thing I remember is asking why the room was so cold. Someone answered it was because they kept all their ice cream in the room after hours. haha. Then I was out.
We were told the surgery ended up being more complicated than it should have been. Took them about 2 hours to get the stone out. Doc said he hand't had that much trouble with a stone my size in decades. Doc said he tried all his tricks, had to really beat up my ureter to get it out. Guess my kidney stone learned how to be stubborn from my determination to ignore it. Battle of the stubborns is never pretty. haha. They put in a stint to help keep the ureter open and to keep it from swelling and doing damage to itself. They told us to expect some pain from that.
The rest of that night is really blurry. The anesthesia and narcotics affected me more than we anticipated. Damon was kind enough to fill me in on some things. For instance: Damon wasn't there when I came out of anesthesia, I told him he should have been there when I woke up. He told me he didn't know where I was and had to wait for the Nurses to let him know I was ready. I told him he could have ask my neighbors where 'the face rubber' was, and then he would have found me. (Apparently I kept rubbing my face and the nurse was telling me not to.) I was convinced the nurse had brainwashed Damon. There were two sides, the Nurses and Me and everyone who was against me had to be in cahoots with the Nurses. I tried really hard to be 'tricky' and get more pain meds from Damon before it was time. I cried when we went to get my Rx and Damon told me we could not sleep in Rite Aid. I called Damon's Dad, Sister, my Dad, and my Mom and asked them to help me tricky against Damon and help me get more medicine. I was convinced Indie hated me. I was also super paranoid. I made Damon call various family member's several times and ask them four questions. 1. Was I a wimp, 2. Were they proud of me, 3. Were they embarrassed by me, 4. Were they annoyed by me. Annnnd that was just the beginning. Poor Damon had his hands full trying to take care of our 4 month old daughter and keep me away from the pain meds.
Recovery was more difficult then we had anticipated. I had a really strong mental reaction to the pain meds. And without the pain meds I was in crazy pain. This may be TMI at its best, but peeing out blood, blood clots, and air was very disconcerting but apparently normal.
Damon had to take almost all week off. Which was stressful in itself. Losing all that money on top of knowing the medical bills will shortly be coming in is daunting. One great benefit from having Damon home however, is all the quality time he's been having with Indie. He doesn't usually get to see her in the day, let alone get to be her main care provider. They've been bonding something extra special over the past few days and I love that. It has been hard on me to loose that time with her. Its very strange to be home and without my little side kick by my side. I've been so out of it, she's just with me to eat then gone again usually while I go back to sleep.
Yesterday (Friday) was probably the most frustrating/scary day since all of this started. I went in early (8:30) to get my stint out. The Doctor told me that my kidney stone was probably not preventable and genetics most likely play a big part in my stones appearing. Lame. He asked if I was ready to get the stint out. (YES!) Then went into this monologue about how if it was up to him he would love to keep the stint in for two weeks, but patients complain and there has to be a compromise. So, we will settle for 4 days. He said how sometimes taking the stint out too soon will cause swelling of the ureter. Which hurts more than stones and in really bad cases they will have to go back in and put the stint back in. So I was like hmmmm, lets just keep it in longer then...I'm fine with that! but he had more of the attitude of 'you're here now lets just do it.' Well, then what was the purpose of that monologue?! Then to top off the ridiculousness the doc is looking at my record and goes 'oh, we had you do an IVP? Why? You didn't need to do that,' ....FOR REAL?! ugh. Anyways...
We go back and I get dressed down again. I was assured it wouldn't hurt. The doc comes in and gets all his equipment set up and we get underway. Well, it hurt soooo bad. I started crying and shaking. The Doc left and I felt dizzy and sick and went home. It started hurting worse and worse as we drove. My Mom stayed with me until Damon was able to come home from work. I don't remember much of this either. But I do remember that pain was worse than anything else I have ever felt before. I try not to be dramatic when it comes to pain/health, and I know this is going to sound dramatic, but I seriously thought I might be dying. It hurt SO bad. Damon said I was laying in bed and was cold to touch, that I was shaking and my eyes kept rolling back into my head and shaking back and forth. He said I had a hard time catching my breath and that I would come in and out of responsiveness. When I would be responsive he said I just kept crying and asking him to 'please help me'and saying that it hurt. He said he knew I wasn't dying but that a small percent of him was still worried that I was.
Damon called the urology office and my mom a few times trying to figure out what to do. He was worried sick. Finally the urologist office told him to bring me in for better pain control. So, we went back in. They got a wheel chair for me because walking was hurting so bad. Long story short again, (too late I know) I got a shot that made me feel so loopy and out of it. The rest of that day yesterday is a blur. I slept for most of it. Couldn't keep my eyes open for more than 5 mins at a time. It's been a lot better today and hopefully just continues to improve.
This entry ended up a lot longer then I meant for it to! Yikes, and I tried to shorten it even. But I do need to take a minute and sing praises to my amazing husband. He has been so great through all of this. I know I've been emotionally and mentally all over the place for the past few days. He puts up with it. He puts up with it with amazing patience and kindness. He has been juggling my needs and care with the needs and care of our 4 month old. He's been tending to the house work and cooking. I am just so impressed and grateful for him. He goes above and beyond in so many ways for our family. I even mentioned wanting steak a lot throughout the night last night. Steak and Donuts, so this morning before I got up, Damon ran to the store with Indie and bought steak and donuts and made me a special breakfast. SO SWEET! Plus, Dame knows how nervous and stressed I've been over my dipping supply so he made 'lactation cookies' for me. All by himself...well, I guess he did have Indie haha. SO SO SO sweet.
We've had so much help throughout this whole annoying thing. So many people willing to drop what they are doing to help watch Indie, or help me make it to appointments. People bringing us food, bringing us treats. People sending 'early Christmas presents' to help ease the hurt of losing all those paid work days. We are so blessed. So grateful for every pray, every thought from everyone! Grateful for the tolerance of those people who I continuously called and badgered in my foggy state haha.
I know its not logical. But I feel like this is all my fault. I feel guilty for the affect this has had on my family and our fiances. I feel like if I could have been tougher or braver, I would have been able to just endure it. And then we could have gotten away from the cost, and pain, and trials. I hate having people go out of their way for me when I feel like if I had been more responsible or more proactive in some way, it could have been avoided. All in all, this has been a great learning experience. If nothing else, it has opened my eyes to how much my sweet husband loves me and how lucky I am to have such a wonderful man in my life (gushy I know haha)
Anyways. That is where we are now. Just waiting for a full recovery, and so grateful for everyone's good health. Sorry for the long entry. Kudos if you truly made it to the end!
Some days the pains were worse than others, and on those days I would tell Damon that my 'Insides felt funny' but that was about it. Until one day I woke up and went to get Indie from her bassinet and I felt intense pain. I had a hard time walking. I got Indie through our morning routine and down for a nap before going to the floor in pain. Boo, the small pains that were my allies in 'anti-sex' were turning against me! The pain just kept escalating and I spent about an hour on the bathroom floor trying not to throw up and trying to get a hold of someone. Damon was at work and not responding and neither was my mom. As time went on I realized I couldn't just tough out this pain and was seriously worried. Let's be honest. My normal course of action when it comes to pain is to ignore it til it goes away. Backfired on me this time. I knew I had to go to the hospital.
My sister Lauren luckily works with Damon, and since he keeps his phone on silent during work, I was finally able to get Lauren to have Dame check his phone. He came right home. It was a thirty minute drive. So hard to wait. Poor Indie was just watching me, curled up in pain on the floor, from her swing. She seemed to know something was going on. Damon ran in and got us both to the car and to the hospital as soon as possible.
By the time we got to the hospital I was in such pain that I couldn't sit still. They got me admitted and brought back within a few minutes. (Damon said later that I did a great job with the dramatics and we cut in front of a lot of people waiting in the ER) While I was waiting for pain meds I threw up all over. Boo. And strangely that helped with the pain. So, by the time I did get IV pain control I really didn't feel like I super needed it. My Mom left work early so she could come get Indie. None of us were thrilled to have such a little baby in the ER with us. Then the Doc ordered a CT scan. They thought it was appendicitis. CT came back, saying nothing looked abnormal. They did note that my right kidney was irritated, so they assumed that I passed a stone and sent me home. I felt a little sick the next day. Like I had the flu. But the pain was still there. Just kind of underlying. Some days it would constantly throb and some days it would be a continuous pain. A handful of times I wouldn't feel it all day, that was more rare.
Over the next 2 months I just dealt with the pain with probably about 6 flare ups. I did have an IUD put in and when I went in for the OB to check that it was still in the right place, I was having another flare up. Which in a way was a good thing, because my game plan at this point had turned back into the tried and true 'ignore it til it goes away' routine. So, I reluctantly told the doc about everything and he gave me antibiotics to take in case the pain was from an infection that might have been introduced when the IUD was put in. I was supposed to take that for ten days and if I didn't notice any improvement, to call and we'd go from there. Wellp, I did everything I was told and had no improvement. So the OB ordered a pelvic Ultrasound, said he wanted to make sure it wasn't anything to do with the cervix.
I had another flare up before I could get the Ultrasound done. It was the worse flare up yet. I felt so helpless. Luckily I still had narcotics left over from my ER visit. I was able to take some of those to stave off the pain while I took care of Indie and waited for Damon to be back from school. I felt so nauseous, I still felt the stabbing throbbing consuming pain in my lower right side and now with narcotics on bored I felt dizzy and a little loopy. The pain was honestly worse then pitocin induced contractions. Worse than birth pre epidural. Yuck! Damon got home and took over 'Indie duty' while I laid on the couch twitching and watching Titanic. Nothing to help curb a flare up like a cheesy romance surrounded by horrifying terror.
I remember how heartbreaking it was to not be able to help put Indie to bed that night. She woke up after Damon got her down the first time. She was still hungry and I tried to feed her, but I hurt so bad and felt so nauseous that I couldn't do it. I felt so scummy. Not being able to take care of her. Don't get me wrong Damon is a wonderful dad and she was in good hands. But it was just so hard to hand over my baby, knowing that she needed me, and that I physically couldn't help her. I had to lay down in the other room writhing in pain and listen to her crying while Damon tried to calm her down and get a bottle ready. I felt like such a bad mom. I felt like it was my fault she was having a hard time. No fun all around.
Damon got Indie settled in and finally sat with me. My mom came over too. Damon gave me a blessing and he and mom tried to convince me to let them take me to the hospital. I was throwing up and unable to sit still from all the pain. I said no. I knew that this flare up would end. Just like all the others did. I just had to out stubborn it. And I was very aware that this time around we no longer had my secondary insurance 'medicaid.' I didn't want to have to pay for an ER visit. Especially if all they did was pain control and tell me they couldn't find anything wrong. I threw up everything I ate, as well as some more pain medicine. After my last vomit my pain became more manageable. After a bit I was able to stomach a lortab and sleep.
I decided, with coaxing from Damon and my mom, that it was time to get this figured out. I decided not to pursue the ultrasound because I really felt like I had kidney problems. I got in for an appointment with the Urologist. They did some X-rays and told me that it didn't look like a kidney stone and that usually they pass withing 3-6 weeks. So, the fact that I was going on 3 months with this pain made a kidney stone unlikely. They scheduled something called an IVP at the hospital anyways. The IVP was kind of their last try at proving/disproving kidney stones. The IVP required a two day fasting and laxative prep. Fasting while breast feeding is not easy! Plus the hospital told me I would have to pump and dump for four days. Now, my supply was already struggling because of all the stress of the pain on my body. I knew four days of pumping and dumping would kill my supply. Not somewhere I wanted to go! Formula is freaking expensive.
So, after discussing everything with Damon and some family members, I decided to keep the IVP appointment but in the mean time hurry up and do the Ultrasound first. This way if it wasn't kidney stones, hopefully they could diagnose it through the ultrasound and I could just bag the whole IVP.
Well, the Ultrasound was a little disconcerting. Me and the tech were just great buddies, joking about things and making small talk while she was measuring things and what not. It was all great fun til she said we had to switch to a trans vaginal ultrasound. SAY WHAAAA. That friendship escalated quickly... She couldn't quite see everything she wanted to through abdominal ultrasound so I had to strip. Needless to say having her pressing down and poking around down there for about an hour was super painful. Kinda put a dampener on our fast made friendship. Although I will say, that had I not had to strip from waist down I might have gone through the whole day not knowing my underwear was put on inside out and backwards...no joke...silly me!
I understand Techs aren't allowed to disclose or diagnose what they are seeing (even if they know there is a problem) but man it sure is a frustrating rule. As I'm laying there, the tech's switched back and forth from pelvic to abdominal ultrasound. She kept changing which 'wand' size thing she was using and kept leaving to go 'double check' things with the other techs and radiologist. Finally she brings in a second tech and the two of them get to whispering about me...as if I can't hear them...from a foot away. Please ladies. Anyways, they get to talking about this snake like thing that they can't figure out where its attaching to or coming from, talk about how its filled with liquid goes all the way from my groin to my ribs and that they've never seen anything like it. I'm just laying there like.....'So, hey guys....umm whats going on?' They finally come back and tell me I need to get another CT scan. ps, just for the record. I HATE getting contrast. It makes my head feel like its filled with hot liquid that causes this crazy pressure in my head. and then makes me feel hot and dizzy and like i'm peeing my pants. Makes my heart race. Gives me a funny taste in my mouth. Long story short (too late, I know) I did the Ct scan and finally the radiologist came out and told me. I had kidney stones. So, now I tell the urologist about all of this and he says he still wants me to do the IVP! boo. Why? Says it will help the doctor know what/where to go during surgery. Fine. I do the stupid IVP and the prep. Although, after some research I find that I do not have to pump and dump my life away. So that's good news.
I do the IVP, meet with the doctor afterwards. Don't worry that the Doc didn't even look at the IVP report. They didn't even have it in their office. He just says he wants to do Surgery to remove the annoying stone. Okay. So I just fasted and cleaned house, so to speak, for nothing. Not to mention the extra money we'll have to fork over for that IVP. Boo. Surgery gets scheduled for Tuesday (4 days ago). It's suppose to be a 30 min procedure, and more fasting. Awesome. I'm surprised my supply is still hanging on.
Surgery day comes. I do the prep. Lauren stays with Indie at our house while Damon comes with me to the Center. (He's my rock, I'll sing praises to him and all he's done for me through this in a second.)
The Surgery Center was very communal. well at least pre op, and recovery was. That was weird. I'm so used to privacy. Guess I'm just spoiled. They had curtains lined as walls all around this big cold white room. You could hear all the patients waiting to be released, waiting to have their procedures, just chatting away. The nurse gave me a bag to put all my personal belongings in. It's ridiculous, but I'm still sad that they made me take off my socks and put on their surgical approved ones. I had chosen thick woolen socks specifically for the surgery. Kinda like my comfort blanket. Damon promised me he would switch the socks back as soon as I got out of surgery. Had a few quick words with the Doc and the anesthesiologist and then they wheeled me away. I was nervous to leave Damon, my other security blanket for the moment. They took me back to a cold cold cold operating room. There was an Ipod playing some oldies and lots of nurses bustling around. The last thing I remember is asking why the room was so cold. Someone answered it was because they kept all their ice cream in the room after hours. haha. Then I was out.
We were told the surgery ended up being more complicated than it should have been. Took them about 2 hours to get the stone out. Doc said he hand't had that much trouble with a stone my size in decades. Doc said he tried all his tricks, had to really beat up my ureter to get it out. Guess my kidney stone learned how to be stubborn from my determination to ignore it. Battle of the stubborns is never pretty. haha. They put in a stint to help keep the ureter open and to keep it from swelling and doing damage to itself. They told us to expect some pain from that.
The rest of that night is really blurry. The anesthesia and narcotics affected me more than we anticipated. Damon was kind enough to fill me in on some things. For instance: Damon wasn't there when I came out of anesthesia, I told him he should have been there when I woke up. He told me he didn't know where I was and had to wait for the Nurses to let him know I was ready. I told him he could have ask my neighbors where 'the face rubber' was, and then he would have found me. (Apparently I kept rubbing my face and the nurse was telling me not to.) I was convinced the nurse had brainwashed Damon. There were two sides, the Nurses and Me and everyone who was against me had to be in cahoots with the Nurses. I tried really hard to be 'tricky' and get more pain meds from Damon before it was time. I cried when we went to get my Rx and Damon told me we could not sleep in Rite Aid. I called Damon's Dad, Sister, my Dad, and my Mom and asked them to help me tricky against Damon and help me get more medicine. I was convinced Indie hated me. I was also super paranoid. I made Damon call various family member's several times and ask them four questions. 1. Was I a wimp, 2. Were they proud of me, 3. Were they embarrassed by me, 4. Were they annoyed by me. Annnnd that was just the beginning. Poor Damon had his hands full trying to take care of our 4 month old daughter and keep me away from the pain meds.
Recovery was more difficult then we had anticipated. I had a really strong mental reaction to the pain meds. And without the pain meds I was in crazy pain. This may be TMI at its best, but peeing out blood, blood clots, and air was very disconcerting but apparently normal. Damon had to take almost all week off. Which was stressful in itself. Losing all that money on top of knowing the medical bills will shortly be coming in is daunting. One great benefit from having Damon home however, is all the quality time he's been having with Indie. He doesn't usually get to see her in the day, let alone get to be her main care provider. They've been bonding something extra special over the past few days and I love that. It has been hard on me to loose that time with her. Its very strange to be home and without my little side kick by my side. I've been so out of it, she's just with me to eat then gone again usually while I go back to sleep.
Yesterday (Friday) was probably the most frustrating/scary day since all of this started. I went in early (8:30) to get my stint out. The Doctor told me that my kidney stone was probably not preventable and genetics most likely play a big part in my stones appearing. Lame. He asked if I was ready to get the stint out. (YES!) Then went into this monologue about how if it was up to him he would love to keep the stint in for two weeks, but patients complain and there has to be a compromise. So, we will settle for 4 days. He said how sometimes taking the stint out too soon will cause swelling of the ureter. Which hurts more than stones and in really bad cases they will have to go back in and put the stint back in. So I was like hmmmm, lets just keep it in longer then...I'm fine with that! but he had more of the attitude of 'you're here now lets just do it.' Well, then what was the purpose of that monologue?! Then to top off the ridiculousness the doc is looking at my record and goes 'oh, we had you do an IVP? Why? You didn't need to do that,' ....FOR REAL?! ugh. Anyways...
We go back and I get dressed down again. I was assured it wouldn't hurt. The doc comes in and gets all his equipment set up and we get underway. Well, it hurt soooo bad. I started crying and shaking. The Doc left and I felt dizzy and sick and went home. It started hurting worse and worse as we drove. My Mom stayed with me until Damon was able to come home from work. I don't remember much of this either. But I do remember that pain was worse than anything else I have ever felt before. I try not to be dramatic when it comes to pain/health, and I know this is going to sound dramatic, but I seriously thought I might be dying. It hurt SO bad. Damon said I was laying in bed and was cold to touch, that I was shaking and my eyes kept rolling back into my head and shaking back and forth. He said I had a hard time catching my breath and that I would come in and out of responsiveness. When I would be responsive he said I just kept crying and asking him to 'please help me'and saying that it hurt. He said he knew I wasn't dying but that a small percent of him was still worried that I was. Damon called the urology office and my mom a few times trying to figure out what to do. He was worried sick. Finally the urologist office told him to bring me in for better pain control. So, we went back in. They got a wheel chair for me because walking was hurting so bad. Long story short again, (too late I know) I got a shot that made me feel so loopy and out of it. The rest of that day yesterday is a blur. I slept for most of it. Couldn't keep my eyes open for more than 5 mins at a time. It's been a lot better today and hopefully just continues to improve.
This entry ended up a lot longer then I meant for it to! Yikes, and I tried to shorten it even. But I do need to take a minute and sing praises to my amazing husband. He has been so great through all of this. I know I've been emotionally and mentally all over the place for the past few days. He puts up with it. He puts up with it with amazing patience and kindness. He has been juggling my needs and care with the needs and care of our 4 month old. He's been tending to the house work and cooking. I am just so impressed and grateful for him. He goes above and beyond in so many ways for our family. I even mentioned wanting steak a lot throughout the night last night. Steak and Donuts, so this morning before I got up, Damon ran to the store with Indie and bought steak and donuts and made me a special breakfast. SO SWEET! Plus, Dame knows how nervous and stressed I've been over my dipping supply so he made 'lactation cookies' for me. All by himself...well, I guess he did have Indie haha. SO SO SO sweet.
We've had so much help throughout this whole annoying thing. So many people willing to drop what they are doing to help watch Indie, or help me make it to appointments. People bringing us food, bringing us treats. People sending 'early Christmas presents' to help ease the hurt of losing all those paid work days. We are so blessed. So grateful for every pray, every thought from everyone! Grateful for the tolerance of those people who I continuously called and badgered in my foggy state haha.
I know its not logical. But I feel like this is all my fault. I feel guilty for the affect this has had on my family and our fiances. I feel like if I could have been tougher or braver, I would have been able to just endure it. And then we could have gotten away from the cost, and pain, and trials. I hate having people go out of their way for me when I feel like if I had been more responsible or more proactive in some way, it could have been avoided. All in all, this has been a great learning experience. If nothing else, it has opened my eyes to how much my sweet husband loves me and how lucky I am to have such a wonderful man in my life (gushy I know haha)
Anyways. That is where we are now. Just waiting for a full recovery, and so grateful for everyone's good health. Sorry for the long entry. Kudos if you truly made it to the end!
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