Griffin David Hadfield

On November 2nd, Damon and I went to the hospital for an elective induction.  I've induced all my kid's labors, but this one was the first that we opted to induce before the baby's due date.  Since Indie and Estelle's labors were so fast, I was already nervous about making it to the hospital in time to have baby boy. Then, when I tested positive for GBS, the doctor, Damon, and I decided to evict baby four days early to make sure we could get at least four hours of antibiotics on board before baby came. 

By 8:00 am I was nice and hooked up to all the IV's. I was 3.5 cm dilated and 75% effaced and ready to take a nap, snug in my hospital bed. It was baby time! Damon and I knew this labor was probably going to be our longest, since the goal was to get all 8 hours of antibiotics on board before baby came.  

I knew I wanted an epidural, and that I needed to get one before they broke my water.  With Stella, as soon as they broke my water, the pain became unbearable and I didn't have time to get an effective epidural before she was born. While her birth experience was mostly empowering and positive (read more here), I did not want a repeat!

I progressed pretty slowly, only feeling maybe one out of every four contractions.  This hospital was super relaxed about laboring compared to the other hospitals I've delivered at.  They let me eat all throughout labor.  That was a first!  They also encouraged different laboring techniques and positions. I tried a birthing ball for the first time.  Which, I felt a little silly, but it helped things progress.  The other hospitals had more of a 'just lay in the bed and stay put while you starve,' mentality.  So all the freedom felt weird. 

After the birth ball and four-ish hours of labor, I was at 5cm and they wanted to break my water to get things really moving.  I told them absolutely we were doing an epidural first. Contractions were starting to pick up to a pretty painful tone at this point. 

Anesthesiology came and placed the epidural, although I felt it placed more on the left than the right, (just like with Estelle's birth).  It started to take effect and I could feel the edge of the contractions easing. Which was great, until it started working too well.  The epidural was either placed too deep into the tissue or some other sort of complication, because it began to numb all the way up to my neck. I started to have a hard time breathing, was having tachycardia and began to pass out.  My blood pressure dropped dangerously low and they had to push medications through my IV to get it back up. They stopped the epidural drip and continued to give me meds to keep my blood pressure from tanking.  Turns out the epidural medicine mixture that they use at this hospital must have been different than what I'd had with my two previous births. They put an extra pain killer in with it that I was super sensitive to. It made my whole body itch.

I was pretty numb and feeling off for an hour or so after that.  Even though the epidural was turned off, I still couldn't feel contractions, nor did I have feeling all the way up to the top of my chest. Once I got some feeling back they wanted to discuss either replacing the epidural and trying again or just turning it back on super low.

Somewhere in there they had also broken my water. I can't remember if it happened before or after complications with the epidural. Long story short, contractions started to come on strong without relief between contractions.  I still had no epidural on board and had been warned that catching up to the pain would take time and be tricky if it got too painful before starting the epidural again. I wasn't interested in trying to replace a new line for the epidural so they tried to give me only a small dose of medicine.  The epidural never caught back up to the pain.  

I wish there was a way I could convey how intense and painful those contractions were.  I've done pitocin contractions without pain medicine before, with Estelle's birth. Those hurt like a mother,  but they still didn't hold a candle to these.  These contractions were all consuming. I tried hard to breath through them and mentally stay on top of the pain.  Every contraction I pushed down on Damon's arm with all my strength while he pushed back, it helped me center myself while I felt like I may or may not be dying.  There was no relief between contractions and I broke down sobbing at one point. Which just made everything so much worse. I had to quickly get back into a good mental space.  After what felt like forever I began to feel an incredible pressure in my butt and had the overwhelming urge to just get out of the hospital bed and squat while I pushed.  No jumping was had, because my legs were still numb from the non pain blocking epidural. 

I was pretty oblivious to everything around me during this time, besides the pain and trying to stay on top of it. The nurses had set up for delivery, called the doctor and checked me and found I was at a 10 ready to push.  The doctor came in and saw how much pain I was in and immediately told me if I was ready to push to go ahead and work with my body while he hurried to get ready.  I pushed once through one contraction and got the baby's head out, and when that contraction finished I pushed and got his shoulders and body out. There was a lot of screaming during those two pushes.  Which was a first for me.  I won't lie I tried to yell out 'F*** this!'  But couldn't get the words to form, just screams.  In two pushes, one contraction, continuous screaming, and a LOT of pain later our son was born.  

He had the cord wrapped pretty tightly around his neck, which they quickly unwrapped and suctioned him out.   I became a little concerned when he didn't cry and asked if he was okay.  They assured me he was and he began crying shortly after. They passed him to me, he gave out a nice long pee on his way up.  (A type of things to come, because he literally peed on every single nurse who dared change his diaper in the hospital and peed through 6 outfits his first 2 days home.  Bah!)  The doctor passed me my son and I just held him and was so grateful it was over.   I was happy he was here, and happy he was healthy, but mostly I just felt broken.  My voice was horse and I felt like I wanted to collapse.  The labor was not a positive experience.  I was so grateful to have my beautiful boy, but my body felt defeated. 

We decided to delay cord clamping this time around, and after waiting a few mins my placenta still hadn't delivered.  The doctor helped it along by aggressively pushing on my stomach. Which, you guessed it, was extremely painful. I did have one tear but other than that, was in pretty great shape down there. 

Damon and I just looked and talked and took in our sweet son.  We held and bonded with him for a good hour or two before they took his stats.  He was 7lbs 10 ounces and 20.5 inches long.  Our little dude didn't open his eyes for the first 24 hours after being born, even now, its a rare sighting.  He is a champ at nursing and has long fingers!  He's got lots of fuzzy blond hairs, while Indie and Stella's were dark black at this age.  We are wondering if he'll turn into a toe head as he gets older. This little dude is really floppy,  zero to no neck control.  We are also starting to see signs that he has reflux, which is bumming me out. Hopefully we can get him some medicine that works and helps him feel better. Poor guy!

Little man has 'pits' on his earlobes.  Indie had the same thing.  They look like pre-scored marks for where you could get an ear piercing.  With Indie, the doctors didn't mention anything. Apparently though, the pits in his ears could be an indication that he has issues with his kidneys or that he could have issues with his hearing or experience hearing loss in his future.  Having more than one family member with 'pits' increases the chances (statistically) that its an indication of a bigger problem. We followed up with our doctor and decided to wait to do an ultrasound on his kidneys if we start to see a decrease in urine output. Griffin passed his hearing test in the hospital, although they made us sign a document stating that we understood that did not mean that he might not have hearing complications further down the road, because of the presence of his 'pits'.

While it wasn't the experience I was hoping for, labor was well worth it for our cool little dude.  It took us a long time to decide on a name. To be honest, it wasn't Damon or my first choice, but we are getting used to it and it seems to fit him well. 

The girls love Finn.  Stella is very good at informing me when he is 'SAD!' She loves to hold him, hug him, say 'hi!' to him, and point out all the features on his face. (nose, eyes, ears, mouth.)  When Stella met Finn for the first time, she ran right up to him and yelled 'HI!'  She sobbed when we took him away to let someone else have a turn holding him.  She LOVED holding him so much. It was so tender. 

Indie is a huge help.  She has been playing so well with Estelle the past few days. She helps rock Griffin, helps get anything I ask her to for Finn or Stella, and loves it when Finn has his eyes open.  Indie likes to make up songs for Griffin and sing them to him when he's awake.  They all have a central theme of how she will 'never stop loving him'.

When Indie came to meet Griffin for the first time, she was a bit distracted.  When Stella was born, we bought a gift for Indie and told her it was from her newborn baby sister.  She loved it. So, all during Finn's pregnancy Indie was looking forward to finding out what gift the baby would be bringing her. She stormed into that hospital room, ecstatic to see her gift.  Once the excitement of Finn's present had died down she was mildly interested in the baby, but stayed quietly away because Boss Baby Stella was being a bit of a baby hog. 

So far Finn has a good nights sleep about every other night.  He poops a ton, loves to be chest to chest, is showing signs that he may have dimples, he hates being naked, getting baths, having diaper changes and being in his swing. He's such a sweet baby! We are so grateful he's joined our family!

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