Mommy Tantrum-Toddler Tantrum
Let's be honest guys. Some days I really doubt whether I was meant to be a Mom. Some days are just hard, and regardless of how much you love your little nugget of toddler energy, they still manage to annoy the crap out of you, effectively making you feel like a horrible human being. Same goes for the little bundle of newborn joy, just as hard and trying, but in a different way. However, today's story is not about that little thankless, wonderful, hard, beautiful baby. You're off the hook Little One. Today was about Big Sister.
Today was a, 'I'm not cut out for this' day.
A hard day. With the incessant why's, whines, nonsensical meltdowns, and pint size demands. Just like any other day, to be honest. I just was not feeling it today. It was a robe day. A 'please let me sleep in peace' day. A 'what is deodorant?' day. Even with Indie still being sweet little Indie, I just had no patience.
Indie tried to play with Estelle by throwing her shoes at Estelle's tiny head. It was a crying day, for both girls. Indie accidentally kicked that same little head, while trying to play with me. It was an excessive crying day. Indie threw dish rags at my face as I was feeding the baby. It was a 'notice me, I want to play and have attention too' day. I get it. She is little. Things have changed so much in her world. She wants to run free with the birds! She wants to be outside. She wants her mom back who used to only focus on her little face. She wants that dang cookie she spied on the computer desk. The cookie she just happened to discover at the same moment I was putting Estelle down in her crib after rocking her to sleep for 30 mins. It was a no sleep day.
It makes me feel that much more crappy when I lose my cool with Indie. Because I get it. I get where she's coming from and she's still so little. After a day like today, bedtime is like a white knight on the horizon. However, my white knight quickly turned into a joke. At night I try to recount the day with Indie. We talk about all the great things that happened. We talk about all the good moments and what made us happy. Tonight I was desperately trying to salvage the day by highlighting the good and reconnecting with Indie. But it was a 'short list of good things to recount' day. So, I talked up tomorrow. Tomorrow we are waking up early, dropping Damon off at work and taking the 2.5 hour drive to Salt Lake to go to 'This is the Place' Heritage Park with my family. Just me and the Littles. Indie was ecstatic. Especially to see Lauren and Phillip. I tucked her in, shut the door and sighed relief on the close of a horrible day.
Then there was crying. Indie crying. I went in. She wants to go on the trip right now. I explain that we can't and it's bedtime, goodnight. Door shut, tentative sigh of relief. More crying. Repeat the previous step but throw in a request for her bear, more books to take to bed, her farm, and a winter hat, oh also the light on, please. No. I love you. Goodnight. Door didn't have time to shut before more crying. This scene repeated, quickly increasing in hysterics on the toddler's end until she was at full blown screaming, crying, kicking and hitting her bedroom door. She wanted to go on that trip and right now! She was completely irrational, hysterical, over tired, out of control. It doesn't happen often, but tonight Tod-zilla appeared in all her glory. My day had not quite set me up for a successful loving encounter with Tod-zilla.
Damon tried to tame the beast. No go. She had her mind made up that the trip needed to happen tonight. One hour of hysterics. We tried our best not to inflame the situation. Tod-zilla was so enraged. It was extremely frustrating, as well as heartbreaking. Guys. When Indie is out of control she is out of control. It's hard to watch. She will obsessively hit her hands together, or flap them, sometimes bite or lick her arm nervously, all while screaming and crying inconsolably. She can't be reasoned with or form complete thoughts. We had to just let her set the tone. For her to come back to herself she has to be in control. So, after trying every other parenting tactic we left her sitting crisscross in her door frame in the dark. Every few minutes Damon or I would ask her if she was ready to go to bed yet. NO! Okay sweetheart, I'll come back and see if you're ready in a little bit. She slowly calmed down.
Finally, she told Damon she was ready for bed! But there were conditions. She wanted to sleep outside our door, on the floor, with my fuzzy brown blanket. That way, according to her, I would be sure to not forget to wake her up and take her on the trip tomorrow. It took some time to convince her that sleeping on the floor wasn't a good idea. We compromised that we would take her mattress off her bed so she could sleep on the floor. We threw in the brown fuzzy blanket for good measure. Success! The beast was calmed and bedtime had.
Now we are battling Estelle to go to sleep. Bedtime, why has my white knight fallen so horribly? I am eager for the day that we put the children down and they stay down. Heck, I would settle for just a few wake ups. I'm not picky. Today was a tiring day. Today, I didn't feel cut out to be a Mom. And now I bid you Adieu. It's my turn to try and get Estelle to sleep. Today I'm exhausted, but I am still grateful for my little family. 'Tod-zilla Indie' and 'Team never sleep Estelle'. May they grow up quickly through the hard moments and slowly though the good. And please please please, let them remember the good moments and that I loved them. Even when I wasn't the best Mom. Like today.
Today was a, 'I'm not cut out for this' day.
A hard day. With the incessant why's, whines, nonsensical meltdowns, and pint size demands. Just like any other day, to be honest. I just was not feeling it today. It was a robe day. A 'please let me sleep in peace' day. A 'what is deodorant?' day. Even with Indie still being sweet little Indie, I just had no patience.
Indie tried to play with Estelle by throwing her shoes at Estelle's tiny head. It was a crying day, for both girls. Indie accidentally kicked that same little head, while trying to play with me. It was an excessive crying day. Indie threw dish rags at my face as I was feeding the baby. It was a 'notice me, I want to play and have attention too' day. I get it. She is little. Things have changed so much in her world. She wants to run free with the birds! She wants to be outside. She wants her mom back who used to only focus on her little face. She wants that dang cookie she spied on the computer desk. The cookie she just happened to discover at the same moment I was putting Estelle down in her crib after rocking her to sleep for 30 mins. It was a no sleep day.
It makes me feel that much more crappy when I lose my cool with Indie. Because I get it. I get where she's coming from and she's still so little. After a day like today, bedtime is like a white knight on the horizon. However, my white knight quickly turned into a joke. At night I try to recount the day with Indie. We talk about all the great things that happened. We talk about all the good moments and what made us happy. Tonight I was desperately trying to salvage the day by highlighting the good and reconnecting with Indie. But it was a 'short list of good things to recount' day. So, I talked up tomorrow. Tomorrow we are waking up early, dropping Damon off at work and taking the 2.5 hour drive to Salt Lake to go to 'This is the Place' Heritage Park with my family. Just me and the Littles. Indie was ecstatic. Especially to see Lauren and Phillip. I tucked her in, shut the door and sighed relief on the close of a horrible day.
Then there was crying. Indie crying. I went in. She wants to go on the trip right now. I explain that we can't and it's bedtime, goodnight. Door shut, tentative sigh of relief. More crying. Repeat the previous step but throw in a request for her bear, more books to take to bed, her farm, and a winter hat, oh also the light on, please. No. I love you. Goodnight. Door didn't have time to shut before more crying. This scene repeated, quickly increasing in hysterics on the toddler's end until she was at full blown screaming, crying, kicking and hitting her bedroom door. She wanted to go on that trip and right now! She was completely irrational, hysterical, over tired, out of control. It doesn't happen often, but tonight Tod-zilla appeared in all her glory. My day had not quite set me up for a successful loving encounter with Tod-zilla.
Damon tried to tame the beast. No go. She had her mind made up that the trip needed to happen tonight. One hour of hysterics. We tried our best not to inflame the situation. Tod-zilla was so enraged. It was extremely frustrating, as well as heartbreaking. Guys. When Indie is out of control she is out of control. It's hard to watch. She will obsessively hit her hands together, or flap them, sometimes bite or lick her arm nervously, all while screaming and crying inconsolably. She can't be reasoned with or form complete thoughts. We had to just let her set the tone. For her to come back to herself she has to be in control. So, after trying every other parenting tactic we left her sitting crisscross in her door frame in the dark. Every few minutes Damon or I would ask her if she was ready to go to bed yet. NO! Okay sweetheart, I'll come back and see if you're ready in a little bit. She slowly calmed down.
Finally, she told Damon she was ready for bed! But there were conditions. She wanted to sleep outside our door, on the floor, with my fuzzy brown blanket. That way, according to her, I would be sure to not forget to wake her up and take her on the trip tomorrow. It took some time to convince her that sleeping on the floor wasn't a good idea. We compromised that we would take her mattress off her bed so she could sleep on the floor. We threw in the brown fuzzy blanket for good measure. Success! The beast was calmed and bedtime had.
Now we are battling Estelle to go to sleep. Bedtime, why has my white knight fallen so horribly? I am eager for the day that we put the children down and they stay down. Heck, I would settle for just a few wake ups. I'm not picky. Today was a tiring day. Today, I didn't feel cut out to be a Mom. And now I bid you Adieu. It's my turn to try and get Estelle to sleep. Today I'm exhausted, but I am still grateful for my little family. 'Tod-zilla Indie' and 'Team never sleep Estelle'. May they grow up quickly through the hard moments and slowly though the good. And please please please, let them remember the good moments and that I loved them. Even when I wasn't the best Mom. Like today.
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